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标题: 呼老八
避重就轻
银牌元老
Rank: 8Rank: 8


UID 188718
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积分 74410
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注册 2018-6-12
状态 离线
 
发表于 2018-10-13 17:20  资料  个人空间  短消息  加为好友  QQ
呼老八

呼老八
   
    李世旺
   
   
      
      
    呼家老沟呼老八、庸庸农夫、一生无甚成就。唯喜老伴身健体壮,厮连着为其生了七个儿子。老八因此得意,常以宋人杨业令公自居、逮空儿便为人讲“七郎八虎闯幽州”等扯淡故事。年年如此,月月依旧,年积月累,老八讲故事成了毛病,每逢天阴雨湿便挨门逐户赖在别人炕头硬讲。听得村人不耐烦到十分,想将他赶出门去,但苦于一村一院,早不见晚见,抹不开面皮。因此便一边硬着头皮死听,一边打门袭窗,咒猪骂狗,说出许多或咸或淡的小话来,暗示老八惜身自重。谁知这呼老八毛病太深,除不幡然悔悟,反而变本加厉、愈演愈烈。其第七个儿子成婚之后,那故事竟讲到无缝不入,吓得一村男人屁滚尿流,打远处?见老八的影子便慌慌地逃了开去。老八因此寂寞多日,蹩闷到十分。有一日村里召集妇女北京治疗白癜风哪个医院好一些大会讨论计划生育问题,村长和众妇女说破了脸面拂袖而去,只留下一堆妇女在那里发呆。老八见有机可乘,便挤过去大讲起来。从天波府讲到两狼谷,从金沙滩讲到红峪口,大中午开始一直讲得暮色苍茫。大多数妇女早就溜了,只有一个婆娘虎着脸上个马扎子上呆听。老八以为得了知己,便停了故事请这婆娘谈谈心得体会,曰:“你说这儿女要紧不要紧?”直气得婆娘浑身冒烟,头发焦黄,抡起个马扎子劈头砍了老八一记,老八这才猛然记起这婆娘不能生养,成天炮料着吃胎衣驴肾的北京服务最好的白癜风专科医院电话是多少事由来,因而一边抱头揉搓脑壳上的大包,一边跺脚臭骂自己:精明一世,糊涂一时。
    从此后,老八的故事再也不讲给外人听了,专门讲给自己的儿孙听。每讲一次便回家叹息半天,曰“儿要自养,谷要自种。”老伴也跟着附合几句。于是老俩口便拍着炕席欢喜半日,将那故事订正半日、加工半日、排练半日,以便第二天讲起来更生动、流利。
    谁知好景不常,辉煌难再。呼老八讲着讲着便发现七个儿子之间渐渐显出裂缝来了。先是你来我不来,腰来腿不来,到后来竟发展到互相戳着鼻子谩骂,卡了领口厮打,害得老八很难发挥出正请问身体里缺少黑色素怎么办常水平。老八因此有些着急,当夜便将那故事从头到尾细捋了一通,增删了两遍。删除的都是些伎拳弄棒的武行;增添的都是些仁爱互助的佳语。半月之后,那七郎八虎闯幽州的故事,差点变成“王祥卧冰”、“李密陈情”之类的孝悌词章。老八因此又有了活气,那天晚上吃完饭,便腆了肚皮,背抄了双手,一步三摇地来到几个儿子家中,准备召集人马重开坛场。谁知这一回情况更糟!儿子们有的称病,有的逃走,有的视而不见,有的听而不闻,把老八的一腔热情全泼在凉石板上。老八心中自然不快,有心回家睡觉。无奈成熟了的故事憋得浑身奇痒难捱,情急之下便踱到小儿子门外,算是最后的争取。走近门前一看,屋里灯灭了,隔了窗纸还能听见里边瑟瑟缩缩在响动。呼老八是过来人,当然明白屋里正在发生的事情。有心离去,又怕浪费了一肚子激情,便有一搭没一搭地坐在门前的猪槽上,一边抽烟,一边为卧在旁边的一头老母猪和十几只猪娃子讲了起来。开先还是低声咄喃,讲着讲着便发现那母猪一脸富态,恰似余太君当年;那猪娃生龙活虎,正是杨延晋弟兄,一时间风逼擂台,老拳下潘豹丧命;号角连天;三关口杨家将称雄;只见那老母猪戴了凤头簪白癜风的治疗可以说是很费劲的,左右了大宋王朝;猪娃子乱走急急风,扬播起千里胡尘。老八一时性起,磕了烟灰,吞了唾液,“吠”地一声大讲起来。恰在此时一只肥大枕头从天窗里射了出来,砸得一窝猪嗷嗷乱叫,如爆豆子一般。老八正在发愣,只见门啪地开了,小儿媳妇,掩着贴身小褂,风一般卷出门外,骂道“这么一个熊人,整得人屁事不成!”呼老八吃了一惊,这才发现故事讲得确实不是时候,双手捂了脸狼狈而归。
    这一回非同小可,呼老八病了。饭不能吃,茶不能饮,整天睁大眼睛望着屋顶,那肚子象充了气似的胀了个浑圆。老伴知道他的难场,便变着法子央告他讲故事,说她愿意听,并努力地给老八提了个头儿,想捅开他的故事篓子。谁知刚一提头,呼老八“哇”一声痛哭起来,一边哭一边将他一生所受的?惶细细翻寻了一遍。诸如怎样把儿子养大,怎样为儿子娶亲,怎样替孙子担心,怎样勒紧裤带饿饭,等等。老伴先是吃惊,后来慢慢听出味道来了,也跟着老八一起痛哭起来。这哭声越传越远,不但惊动了呼家儿孙,同时也惊动了村人,众人都齐集在老八门前聆听。直听得众人一个个都浑身发冷,心头发紧,鼻子发酸,喉咙发痒;回忆起已故父母的辛劳,预见着自己将来的下场,不知不觉中竟凄凄楚楚抽咽成一片。直到鸡叫时分有人才醒过神来,发现屋子里没了哭声,且屋门大敞,门扇上吊着一串黑乎乎的东西。人们情知有异,一齐扑了过去一看,只见呼老八奇眉怪眼地挂在一条绳子上,早就死得冰凉。有人想解他下来,刚一动绳子只听门里头“扑通”一声闷响,老伴那两条胖腿从门槛上斜伸出来。人们这时候才明白这老俩口双双寻了无常,于是大惊,大哭,大乱,大忙……直到将两人双双送入墓坑。
    呼家老沟从此一蹶不振,人人都显得无精打彩,二意三心,各项工作都是不死不活,唯有计划生育工作搞得突出。那个不生育的婆娘因此出了名,隔不多时便进城参加些先进模范会议。把那几条吃剩的牛鞭驴肾冷落得灰不溜秋如草根一般。
      

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